feeling okay

by polkadot

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Music and Lyrics: Daney Espiritu
Recording: Mari Campos
Mixing and Mastering: Trevor Buck


released February 28, 2020

Guitar/Vox: Daney Espiritu
Drums: Anton Benedicto
Bass: Jordan Jones
Dog: Willow


all rights reserved



polkadot Oakland, California

bay area baby punx

polkadot is daney, anton, and jordan

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Track Name: doodle
i don't wanna be
the way i thought i'd be

before i die
i hope you'll give me time

'cause it's hard to work it out
Track Name: dogs
you were in your room
listening to soak up the sun on repeat
i tried to get to through to you
sheryl was too loud i could hardly sleep

if we went out for drinks, wish there were bars
with dogs under tables and seats
play make believe
that we live in a house where the dishes are clean
so clean

but i know it's getting better
it's not about worse or whether
you talk or you say it's just whatever

i really wanna kiss you
but i'm afraid i'll retreat into bitterness
it's okay you kissed him
like to believe that you tried your best to miss
did you miss?
Track Name: salt dough
why am i listening to you
when i'm taking up space in the other room
i know you hate to lose
but sometimes you do

the sunlight streams through the blinds
i can't wake up can't sleep alone at night
but no emptiness can keep you from my mind
when you're gone i'll have to be alright

but i don't have the patience to be
all the things my mother only sees
i don't have the time yet to die
just wanna prove my grandmother is right

that heaven is real
it fits in your hand
it's filled with the aches
of pews where we stand
Track Name: hags!
i don't wanna be here
if it means being here with you
i'm getting tired playing games
where nobody's ever told the rules

'cause it takes a special kind of dude (i guess)
to play along as activist
so when i send out a fuck you
i mean it to white people and all men too :-)

'cause if i have to be anything
i guess i can't be anything

if you feel phased face down the stairs
bleeding out your temples, brow bone bare
thinking about all the ways
i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep for days

'cause i don't have time for patience
when you tell me to change my attitude
if i could just say one fucking thing
without your gaslight on we'd be fucking good!

but if i have to be anything
i guess i can't be anything
yeah if i have to be anything
i guess i'll just leave
Track Name: better now
am i really alive?
i guess i don't give it any mind
i'm just really tired
of not trying to make it right

you know i'm fine
usually means that i am fine
and it's alright
being way too scared to drive

you leave a bitter taste in my mouth
when i leave who will seek it out
it might be hard to change things now
but i think it'd be nice to work it out

no calls late at night
wish my mom could spare the extra time
so i don't have to cry
wondering if she's okay or if
she's at home worried about my life

you say that i should know better now
but i can't stop to think when i'm down
if i'm not fucked up i'm feeling proud
when i'm fucked up, am i better now?
Track Name: bruised
don't wanna leave the house today
i'll call you up
are you okay?
take 20 drops of cbd
hope my brain won't be so far away today

i like it when i'm bored with you
taking off my dirty shoes
tuck me into bed again
like my work week swear it's never ending

i think i saw my mother
underneath the flowers
skin bleached god i hate it
if jesus was a patriot

miss the forest, miss the beach
biking down an empty street
when you'd ask me are you okay
the way you used to, anyways

i'm feelin like i'm feelin queer
and gettin wasted to fix my fears
working for a churchy school
so i'll eat the wafers, break the rules

i think i saw my mother
underneath the flowers
skin bleached god i hate it
don't wanna be a patriot

tell my mom i love her
i see her in the flowers
scrub my skin with asphalt
bruised too bad i know i shouldn't have talked
Track Name: baby buzzkill
don't wanna be that guy
but i feel like second guessing
everything i've ever said
oh here it comes, here it comes again

struggling to be better
but bitter is all that i can be
if i could settle down,
be all the things that my dog thinks of me

but i can't

it's getting harder
to get out of my bed sometimes
'cause all i think about
is how much i left 'till i run out

i'm not frustrated
i'm not depressed
but all i want is a tender moment,
someone i can call my home and

but i can't
so invite me to the party baby
Track Name: light
my body is in the riverbed
i guess i'll leave without it
i get too lost in my head

i'll never touch
never feel again
without a body
the light in me can shine again

i'll never rust if i keep moving
if i fall apart i'll keep moving
if i fall apart, the light in me will shine again
Track Name: prom song (another name for love)
doesn't matter what they say
i'm still yours anyway
doesn't matter what i do
i am still in love with you

and sometimes i feel left out,
all alone, empty house
sometimes the words you say can hurt
little worm in the dirt

trying not to pass you by
but there are days i'm asking why
a little heart can't hurt too much
turn to mush just from your touch

sometimes wanna be alone
empty heart, empty home
sometimes wanna be alive
you right here, by side

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