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feeling okay

by polkadot

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1.
doodle 02:13
i don't wanna be the way i thought i'd be before i die i hope you'll give me time 'cause it's hard to work it out
2.
dogs 02:00
you were in your room listening to soak up the sun on repeat i tried to get to through to you sheryl was too loud i could hardly sleep if we went out for drinks, wish there were bars with dogs under tables and seats play make believe that we live in a house where the dishes are clean so clean but i know it's getting better it's not about worse or whether you talk or you say it's just whatever i really wanna kiss you but i'm afraid i'll retreat into bitterness it's okay you kissed him like to believe that you tried your best to miss did you miss?
3.
salt dough 03:15
why am i listening to you when i'm taking up space in the other room i know you hate to lose but sometimes you do the sunlight streams through the blinds i can't wake up can't sleep alone at night but no emptiness can keep you from my mind when you're gone i'll have to be alright but i don't have the patience to be all the things my mother only sees i don't have the time yet to die just wanna prove my grandmother is right that heaven is real it fits in your hand it's filled with the aches of pews where we stand
4.
hags! 03:14
i don't wanna be here if it means being here with you i'm getting tired playing games where nobody's ever told the rules 'cause it takes a special kind of dude (i guess) to play along as activist so when i send out a fuck you i mean it to white people and all men too :-) 'cause if i have to be anything i guess i can't be anything if you feel phased face down the stairs bleeding out your temples, brow bone bare thinking about all the ways i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep for days 'cause i don't have time for patience when you tell me to change my attitude if i could just say one fucking thing without your gaslight on we'd be fucking good! but if i have to be anything i guess i can't be anything yeah if i have to be anything i guess i'll just leave
5.
better now 03:45
am i really alive? i guess i don't give it any mind i'm just really tired of not trying to make it right you know i'm fine usually means that i am fine and it's alright being way too scared to drive you leave a bitter taste in my mouth when i leave who will seek it out it might be hard to change things now but i think it'd be nice to work it out no calls late at night wish my mom could spare the extra time so i don't have to cry wondering if she's okay or if she's at home worried about my life you say that i should know better now but i can't stop to think when i'm down if i'm not fucked up i'm feeling proud when i'm fucked up, am i better now?
6.
bruised 02:43
don't wanna leave the house today i'll call you up are you okay? take 20 drops of cbd hope my brain won't be so far away today i like it when i'm bored with you taking off my dirty shoes tuck me into bed again like my work week swear it's never ending i think i saw my mother underneath the flowers skin bleached god i hate it if jesus was a patriot miss the forest, miss the beach biking down an empty street when you'd ask me are you okay the way you used to, anyways i'm feelin like i'm feelin queer and gettin wasted to fix my fears working for a churchy school so i'll eat the wafers, break the rules i think i saw my mother underneath the flowers skin bleached god i hate it don't wanna be a patriot tell my mom i love her i see her in the flowers scrub my skin with asphalt bruised too bad i know i shouldn't have talked
7.
don't wanna be that guy but i feel like second guessing everything i've ever said oh here it comes, here it comes again struggling to be better but bitter is all that i can be if i could settle down, be all the things that my dog thinks of me but i can't it's getting harder to get out of my bed sometimes 'cause all i think about is how much i left 'till i run out i'm not frustrated i'm not depressed but all i want is a tender moment, someone i can call my home and but i can't so invite me to the party baby
8.
light 02:50
my body is in the riverbed i guess i'll leave without it i get too lost in my head i'll never touch never feel again without a body the light in me can shine again i'll never rust if i keep moving if i fall apart i'll keep moving if i fall apart, the light in me will shine again
9.
doesn't matter what they say i'm still yours anyway doesn't matter what i do i am still in love with you and sometimes i feel left out, all alone, empty house sometimes the words you say can hurt little worm in the dirt trying not to pass you by but there are days i'm asking why a little heart can't hurt too much turn to mush just from your touch sometimes wanna be alone empty heart, empty home sometimes wanna be alive you right here, by side

about

Music and Lyrics: Daney Espiritu
Recording: Mateo Campos
Mixing and Mastering: Trevor Buck

credits

released February 28, 2020

Guitar/Vox: Daney Espiritu
Drums: Anton Benedicto
Bass: Jordan Jones
Dog: Willow

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polkadot California

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